Albert Ellis’s Unhelpful Beliefs

These are mostly notes that reflect my own self-work and my coaching. I hope by sharing it here, I can make it accessible to others in a helpful way.

In the ReBT side of CBT we look at a lot of beliefs that are unhelpful. It is often very difficult for us to regulate the emotions that arise from beliefs, but we change the beliefs themselves. Hopefully, the changed beliefs can give rise to more comfortable or more useful emotions. We can often change beliefs when faced with new evidence or just by exposing the absurdity of our currently held beliefs. Then, with the belief changed, the emotions which arise are less extreme and more reflective of the real circumstances in front of us.

Albert Ellis came up with a list of commonly-held beliefs that were the cause of difficulty and pain. I have concluded that learning these phrases by rote is probably not the best way to make use of this information, but instead, we can take note of common vocabulary and ideas among the beliefs that stand out. This alternative method of learning would allow us to learn the list quickly and to better identify other difficulties that might not be listed here or beliefs that are similar to the ones below, but not expressed in the same way. First, however, I will list the beliefs that Albert Ellis proposed, and then, I will attempt to extrapolate some similarities.

When we express problematic beliefs like these, we self-reference a lot. We will say “I should” rather than “one should”. So I converted the beliefs into the first person. This makes it easier for us to spot them when we compare them to our own thoughts and the thoughts of potential clients.

The beliefs which often give rise to emotional difficulty are:

I must be loved or approved of by virtually every other person in my life, or else there’s something wrong with me.
I should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if I am to consider myself worthwhile.
Certain people are bad, wicked, and villainous, and they should be severely blamed or punished for their villainy. If they don’t get punished, I don’t want to participate in this world.
I am entitled to all the things and situations I want. It is awful and catastrophic when things don’t go my way.
My unhappiness is caused by others and my circumstances. I have little or no ability to control my sorrows and disturbances.
If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, I should be terribly concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of its occurring in order to safeguard myself.
It is easier to avoid difficulties and self-responsibilities than it is to face them.
I should be dependent on others, and I need someone stronger than myself on whom to rely.
If something happened a certain way in the past, it will always happen that way.
There is invariably a perfect solution to my problems, and it is a catastrophe if this perfect solution is not found.
I should become quite upset over other people’s problems and disturbances. If I don’t, then I am wrong or broken.
The world must be fair and just. If it is not, it is awful, and I can’t stand it.
I should be comfortable at all times and never experience pain.
I may be going crazy because I am experiencing some anxious feelings.
I can achieve maximum happiness by doing nothing and uncommittedly enjoying myself.

Firstly, if you look at the modal verbs, you will notice that many of these statements contain “should” or, even worse, “must”. Ellis seems to have noticed that when a person holds a belief that the universe should operate in a certain way, then they are likely to face emotional difficulty. I suspect that this comes from the stress of the disparity between how the world really works and their expectations. Maybe there is a fear that if the world does not operate how we expect, then this challenges our confidence in many of our expectations, including those that make us feel safe.

Similar mindsets might express this same view in different ways. In place of “should” it might say “ought to” for example “the world ought to operate this way”. They might say “always” in place of “must”, “the world always operates this way”. Similarly, “never” could be used in place of “must not” which is still another “must”. Belief #4 conveys the meaning of “should” through the word “entitled”. This sentence could be re-worded to “the world should give me the things and situations I want” without any change in meaning. So we need to hypervigilant about the following words in our thoughts “must”, “should”, “ought”, “always”, “never” and “entitled”. But these sorts of thoughts could be expressed in another way that indicates a belief that the world is expected to operate a certain way.

Secondly, I note that some of these beliefs prevent the client or me from taking action. Any belief, like belief #7, that encourages us to avoid facing things could lead us to stagnancy and could cause us to develop an avoidance complex. #15 would prevent us from doing anything at all and #8 would encourage us to leave the impetus for our own growth on other people. The extreme opposite for #8 is also problematic when someone does not feel they can rely on any other people, so they need to do everything themselves. So watch out for that as well. Also, something that avoids all difficulty or dangers or risks is very protective, however, we need to consider if it is causing us to avoid growth, getting the things we want or being a competent person. Like #6 could cause us to avoid danger, but at the extreme end, if we refuse to plug in a laptop because we don’t want to start a fire, we can’t apply for a job or get something done on the laptop… This could occur in a much subtler way as well. #13 shows how we could be avoiding doing something good because of an obsessiveness with our own comfort. So all in all, if a belief would cause us to sacrifice our progression and the things we want, then we need to think very carefully about whether it is preventing us and if it is doing so proportionately for the right reason.

Thirdly, I note that in some cases, the belief requires us to expect a behaviour from someone else. Other people are not in our control, and therefore, our comfort and happiness are dependent on something not in our control. For example, the first one, we don’t have the ability to make someone like us. We could do everything in our power to make someone like us and they might just irrationally hate us for no reason. For belief #3, our comfort relies on seeing justice done by systems and persons outside of our control. Other people might not agree with our assessment of justice and therefore might not act how we expect, so we might distress at something not in our control. #8 really requires someone to swoop in and save us, people like that are not always available. #15 often requires other people to do things for us. So overall, we notice the potential difficulties involved in requiring other people to act a certain way. We cannot be dependent on other people to ensure our happiness, because they might let us down and it puts unfair pressure on them to act a certain way.

Fourth and, I think, my final observation is that some of these beliefs are extreme or absolute. They are an “all or nothing”. But the world we live in tends not to be black or white, it tends to be a sea of greys. In belief #1 “love” is quite a strong word, and “must” is also extreme. If this belief was more like “I would appreciate it if many people liked me” it is a much more reasonable belief and less extreme. Belief #4, “all” is quite extreme. You might be entitled to something, but not all. Belief #9 uses the word “always”. Nothing is so certain, it could be most likely but not always. In belief #10, nothing is perfect, so the solution might be adequate, but to expect perfection is unreasonable. Finally, 15# contains the word “nothing” as well, and this is clearly problematic. In a world of “yes… but” and “like” but not “love” and a world of compromises, there is an array of greys, but black and white or other extremes are never realistic. Holding a belief that relies on such unrealistic blacks and whites is bound for disappointment and frustration.

So as you can see, there are a number of situations and vocabulary that are common among the statements. By identifying them, then it is easier to spot other statements that follow a similar thread and quicker for us to learn these statements.

Better sentences

Sometimes, just identifying the sentence can make it obvious to us how absurd the belief is. We can immediately know how wrong our belief is. It is often useful for us to find a more healthy and helpful way to express the same sentiment. If that feels wrong then we can investigate our thoughts to find out why we can’t think of something in a more helpful way.

I will be loved by those closest to me most of the time, but it is not possible to have the love or approval of every person in my life.
I hope to be competent and achieve lots of things, but my self-worth is unconditional and not dependent upon what I produce.
Some people act in a way that is considered bad. A just society would ideally punish people for this, but that does not always happen.
I am lucky to have the things I have and to enjoy the circumstances I have, but I recognise not everything will always go my way.
My unhappiness is often my own reaction to others and my circumstances, it is impacted by my beliefs. I can change my circumstances and/or beliefs to be happier, but no-one is happy all the time.
If something is or may be dangerous, I should protect myself at a reasonable level, but this protection should not prevent me from getting on with my life.
Avoidance is dangerous and can cause damaging habits. I can avoid something for a little bit, but that might just make it harder to face later
There might be some people in my life I can rely upon, but it might be a strain to put too much pressure on others.
If something happened a certain way in the past, that might indicate how it could happen in the future, but there’s no guarantee things will always turn out the same. There are many factors in most situations which determine how they will come out.
There are often solutions to my problems, but not every problem has a solution never mind a “perfect” one.
It’s good to empathise with other people’s problems and disturbances, but I won’t always feel it and that’s okay.
The world is often unfair and unjust, but I hope to make it a better one.
I should enjoy the comfort that I have but recognise that in life some pain is inevitable.
Most people experience some anxious feelings at times. This is a normal part of life’s experiences. We can reduce this if it is problematic, but some anxiety is inevitable.
I can enjoy the happiness that comes by doing nothing, but sometimes I need to grow.

Often when restructuring a belief that is causing difficulty, our best course of action is to write a line that expresses a similar sentiment. We are already following a certain line of thinking, so it is easier to follow a similar thought process. If we were dealing with a belief that says “I need someone to love me consistently forever,” it would be not be suitable to replace it with a belief that says “It’s great when I’m on top of my ironing most of the time.” Also, not only should it be the same subject it’s going to be very difficult to convince yourself of the complete opposite belief, so “I don’t need anyone ever” is going to be too different to work, but a less extreme belief along the same lines is possible. “I might benefit from having someone to love.” It is also important to change all the aspects that are extreme and absolute into aspects that match the greys of life. “I would benefit from having the right sort of person, to like me. It would be better if that liking was consistent, but this might not always be the case. Also I recognise that nothing lasts forever and this will not, but I could still make the most out of it while it does.” Often “always” or “forever” is a secretly hidden term in a belief. We don’t express it out loud, but when we re-structure the belief adding clauses like “for as long as possible” help us to make a more reasonable belief. We should also re-word beliefs so they do not rely on other people. “It would be nice for someone else to love me, but I would benefit from focusing on loving myself.” We should also find ways to express the beliefs that do not rely on other people and encourage us to grow.

When we are facing frustration from the beliefs, then we can express these newly constructed beliefs as a way to moderate the feelings from the original beliefs. Also, when we have difficulty accepting the newer beliefs, we can investigate why. We can also look at whether this belief is based on other beliefs that we hold which also need a similar form of moderation.

One of the easiest ways to work with these beliefs is using ReBT’s ABCDE form. You simply need to fill in a row of the table. Writing it down is best because it can be reviewed. Your brain is very good at negative filter to hide the truth from yourself. An example of this form is below.

For each row, you would fill in one of the columns like so:

Activating event	Belief (the original one)	Consequence	Disputing Belief (The new one)	Effect
A brief summary of an event which caused emotional toil	The original problematic belief similar to the first set of beliefs that caused emotional turmoil.	The emotion that resulted from it.	The more rational and realistic belief, without extremes, dependency on others or avoidance behaviour.	The emotion which results from considering the new belief.
Example: Tom said he hates me	I must be loved or approved of by virtually every other person in my life, or else there’s something wrong with me.	I feel deep emotional turmoil because there’s something wrong with me.	I will be loved by those closest to me most of the time, but it is not possible to have the love or approval of every person in my life.	I am still not happy, but no one would be having been told that they are hated. It’s not as extreme as before. The emotion is more manageable.