I like to study coaching. It fits very well with some of the emotional concepts that come up during Reiki. I think when someone is emotional often our “best friend” mentality kicks in and we start to do the listening work we can, however, often a client does not need a “best friend” they probably have several and we do not always doing our friends a service when our natural instincts kick in. It is not always the best or most responsible thing we can do. If however we are applying a tested and trusted coaching modality, then we can be more confident that our actions are useful.
I always want to make sure I am developing my skills so Life Coaching is one I am always training in. Most jobs require that you invest time in Continual Professional Development (CPD for short) and there’s no reason why Reiki should be any different. For example, I am always doing Kundalini Yoga and Wudang Kungfu / Wudang meditation for the energy side of things, but working on techniques such as Coaching helps with the more physical and emotional needs of the client.
In Cairn Ramsey’s view, there are 7 levels of consciousness, but I feel that the word “Responsibility” is more appropriate to describe the progression here. I will explore the levels below.
During coaching, you never want to lead a client somewhere no matter how much you think you know what’s best for them. On the other hand, this is one system where you can lead the client. It is still important that this a conscious process for them so you need to make sure they are in agreement with you that they want to step up their awareness and responsibility using this modality.
At level one: The client identifies as a victim. They take no responsibility for anything in their lives. They are often in a state of total apathy not looking for anything to change. In order for them to move on, they need to want to. The apathy of this state is often seductively calm and requires less energy than tackling the issues associated with solving our issues. You can never give a client the strength of will so they need to choose change. The client might also need to work on believing that they deserve change.
At level two: The client is angry with the world. They blame the entire world for all of their problems. They still take no responsibility for their actions, but now they are seeking change. They are angry and they will express this. They often engage the world telling the world how it has failed them and demanding the world make amends. Most allegorical “Karens” are here. In order to move on from this state of mind the client needs to take responsibility for the part they contributed to their situation. Often a client gets a bit stuck because they are scared if they take a tiny bit of responsibility they will be lumped with all the responsibility, and some people do have that black-and-white thinking. To help this, the client could rehearse sentences where they balance their own responsibility with ways other people and the world have failed them. They should recognise that nothing is entirely their fault or entirely not their fault. Obviously, it is useful to avoid blaming people to their face unless it is a suitable time to address issues and set up boundaries.
At level three: The client takes responsibility for themselves. The client does what they can to take responsibility, at least partly, for everything that lies in their wheelhouse. Often the client struggles with what to take responsibility for and they can go overboard obsessing on how to control everything. The client at this stage of development would benefit from thinking about the Serenity Prayer. I occasionally find myself back sliding to this state and trying to control everything in my life, this is where the Serenity prayer is helpful. The Serenity prayer does not need to be approached from a religious context, in fact, a secular one could easily be written with “I hope I develop…” rather than “God grant me…” The more common one reads as follows:
God grant me:
The Serenity Prayer – Ascribed to Rev. Reinhold Niebuhr
the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
The client should also regularly remind themselves of others who might be facing similar or worse situations. Having sympathy and genuine concern for others and listening to their issues helps the client move on. This concern needs to acting on in a balanced way. Sometimes the client begins to show too much concern for others and does not make sure to approach their own issues in a balanced way first. In such a case, the client should be reminded that without resolving their own issues first, they could end up being more of a drain on others than a benefit to them.
At level four: the client is compassionate. The client’s issues are mostly being resolved or if they aren’t, the client can take solace that they are doing everything reasonable to resolve them without obsessing. With their own issues being sorted, they are able to be there for other people. I often find myself in this place and one of my biggest issues is that being able to be a helper for other people is an ego boost for me. It is easy for the client to become attached to this identity. The attachment prevents the client from being helpful to others because the client keeps trying to play the role of helper when it is unwanted or unneeded. Awareness of this helps the client move on and also teaches the client to help others become self-sufficient and making themselves redundant is more useful. Also, they can pour themselves out so much that they become unable to function or resolve their own issues. As such they become a drain on other people instead of a helper. It is hard to do, but the client needs to question what insecurities make them need the helper identity and they need to grow content with elleviating the ego. They should also aim to make other people independent rather than help them. They should also draw up a timetable that limits the amount they do for other people and requires that they spend time recovering. The client should also spend time remembering that for other people to truly be helped, those other people also need to grow in responsibility, this means those other people should learn how to help themselves rather than be helped.
At level 5: the client reconciles their need to achieve with their need for joy. No longer needing to help others or achieve the client can do these things from a place of inner peace rather than need. The client enjoys a state of balance between these two. Often the client recognises that the struggle is part of the tool that will help others and so wants to see others fight their own battle and gives tools rather than helping them. This reminds us of the story of the caterpilla who was helped out of the cocoon. In being helped the caterpilla did not need to push the cocoon open with their winds so they didn’t develop the muscle power in their wings. Then, as a butterfly, they could not fly. Going beyond this level gets a bit more spooky and mystical. In order to move on from this state of mind the client begins to see through reality as a series of electrical impulses. If they succeed they do not need a particularly nice life to be happy, but both are simply electrical impulses.
At level 6: the client synthesizes helping others with helping themself. Everything is the same at this point. The client learns to really enjoy doing boring and tedious things because the client no longer feels the need for entertainment or motivation. Everything is essentially the same. The client begins to realise that their identity is but an illusion and as this realisation takes hold they make far less references to themselves and move on to the next level.
At level 7: the client reaches non-judgement or alleviation of ego. At this extreme, the client makes fewer references to the self and they judge nothing. They return to more normal consciousness but with the joy of the relief that there are fewer stresses in life because everything is essentially the same.
The higher levels are extreme and it would be odd to coach a client through these as many coaches are not there, themselves yet, but they indicate that there is always more to move to. The other are very useful with clients seeking to take more responsibility for themselves and their own future.